Snow melted and I hear the call of the worms...
Moon dancing and I feel the urge to move... It calls me at 4am when I'm stirring for my books, ignoring my feet. So close, reach to touch it... distraction takes me away.
Lost in a sea of responsibility - tasks to accomplish, greatness to attain...
Prays spoken in the dark, thoughts of future, fear of past and embracing the present....
Here I am - forever staring down the loss I nearly ran from. Strength gained from the depths of could be despair. Turn and fight. Life is a struggle, embrace the struggle. Find a fight worth fighting. Fight for yourself. Struggle for your today. Make it great. Make it worth living - because if you don't, who will?
Soon the books will be shelved. Briefly the sleep will come. Time will bring back my 5am runs. Alone in the dark, with nothing but me and my proposed self struggling to see who will be victorious in the end.
Soon the seasons will bring me the waters my arms wish to swim, the pedals which I will freely push downhill, uphill and around the corner... like a kid just free of training wheels. Soon the trails will dry and I'll have a free day to press my imprint in the dirt. Soon there will be time enough to wave to the cows, wish for outhouses and long for water....
Time to breathe some dragonfire.....
365 days of running current total = 376km
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Green beer and pots of gold
Tomorrow our happy running family will be headed to Toronto for the Achilles 5k st. Pattys run/walk. Excited about this magical moment, its been too long since someone said "go!" and meant it. Promising myself no racing until the completion of school is a long dry task. It mimics taper in the oddest ways. Wake up early and instinctively wonder if I have the right socks on for my runners - then realise it's just my books I'm looking for. Feeling incomplete. Making due. Managing. Surrounding myself with wonderful inspiring athletes who share their tales of races and successes. It's bitter sweet.
Even tomorrow's race isn't a true race. I'll be cheering on my 9yo and hubby, and walking with my 12yo and 3yo. Most importantly welcoming back my guide post chemo treatments. He was very much missed. So tomorrow is a walk, followed of course by green beer and veggie chili.
Ottawa half marathon is so far away, and yet not far at all. The snow needs to melt. The grass needs to grow, the bees buzz and my feet run free.
One step at a time girl... one step at a time.
Even tomorrow's race isn't a true race. I'll be cheering on my 9yo and hubby, and walking with my 12yo and 3yo. Most importantly welcoming back my guide post chemo treatments. He was very much missed. So tomorrow is a walk, followed of course by green beer and veggie chili.
Ottawa half marathon is so far away, and yet not far at all. The snow needs to melt. The grass needs to grow, the bees buzz and my feet run free.
One step at a time girl... one step at a time.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Stirring Silence...
It is the season for timeless words in my head. They push me to memories and tempt me to linger. There is nothing more fearsome then standing still. Stillness seeps into the fibres of your soul pushing you to seek fault in your skin. Memories serve to inspire a smile, and to push you towards a new goal.
February is nearly over. That crisp glistening snow has melted into the sacred pile of mush that inches its way into your path as if to say.... I dare you to jump... Memories of muddy snowpants and days of rubber boots to come. And all of it, the smell of rotten worms in the air, the nearness of grass sleeping under slush, the swing of the empty bird feeder..... all of it reminds me that my shoes have yet to embrace those trails. Their rocks, their rubble, their wash out runner traps - all call to my shoes in their sleep. Like a rite of passage that every good shoe must endure. The puberty of sneakers. White laces no more.
Yesterdays sweat droplets stain upon last weeks on the treadmill dashboard. And my bike waits in the basement making friends with the spiders. Every day a new day, every day a minute more of sun. Every day another reason to smile. Every day a reason to run.....
Day 52
Current 51 day total - 281.27km
February is nearly over. That crisp glistening snow has melted into the sacred pile of mush that inches its way into your path as if to say.... I dare you to jump... Memories of muddy snowpants and days of rubber boots to come. And all of it, the smell of rotten worms in the air, the nearness of grass sleeping under slush, the swing of the empty bird feeder..... all of it reminds me that my shoes have yet to embrace those trails. Their rocks, their rubble, their wash out runner traps - all call to my shoes in their sleep. Like a rite of passage that every good shoe must endure. The puberty of sneakers. White laces no more.
Yesterdays sweat droplets stain upon last weeks on the treadmill dashboard. And my bike waits in the basement making friends with the spiders. Every day a new day, every day a minute more of sun. Every day another reason to smile. Every day a reason to run.....
Day 52
Current 51 day total - 281.27km
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
In the heat
The cold weather is calling my name. That's not true, it's calling me names. It taunts me with words like whimp and chicken. My third year running and first year of no outdoor winter running.
I am no stranger to the 8:00pm beginnings of a -30C 17km runs that land you with frostbite. I can still remember the tingling of blood returning to the proper vessels in my legs and arms three hours post crazy runs. They are thrilling, these runs... character building and soul fulfilling. They also remind you that you are not invincible. A hard pill to swallow.
This year, my last of college, with guides tricky to place and schedule harder to control.... all runs are inside. I figure it's a test of internal motivation. A push to see how long you can hold on to the memory of the wind in your hair, the car soaking you with muddy water for fun, the crazy morning coffee traffic that has no patience for runners.
Thankfully I'm stubborn. (ok that's an understatement)
The snow can only last so long. The guides have already been in touch. Spring, groundhog or not - will eventually come. The flowers will bloom, the sinuses will start to inflame and my not so new but still very white shoes will meet gravel for the first time. Wonder if I'm the only one who believes shoes are still virgin until the mud encrusts itself in every available space?
Temporarily displaced is a good way to look at my winter of indoor running. But hey, what runner hasn't had to adapt or alter a training plan due to injury, responsibility or thunderstorm?
365 days of running current total - 219.97 km
Happy day 40!!!
I am no stranger to the 8:00pm beginnings of a -30C 17km runs that land you with frostbite. I can still remember the tingling of blood returning to the proper vessels in my legs and arms three hours post crazy runs. They are thrilling, these runs... character building and soul fulfilling. They also remind you that you are not invincible. A hard pill to swallow.
This year, my last of college, with guides tricky to place and schedule harder to control.... all runs are inside. I figure it's a test of internal motivation. A push to see how long you can hold on to the memory of the wind in your hair, the car soaking you with muddy water for fun, the crazy morning coffee traffic that has no patience for runners.
Thankfully I'm stubborn. (ok that's an understatement)
The snow can only last so long. The guides have already been in touch. Spring, groundhog or not - will eventually come. The flowers will bloom, the sinuses will start to inflame and my not so new but still very white shoes will meet gravel for the first time. Wonder if I'm the only one who believes shoes are still virgin until the mud encrusts itself in every available space?
Temporarily displaced is a good way to look at my winter of indoor running. But hey, what runner hasn't had to adapt or alter a training plan due to injury, responsibility or thunderstorm?
365 days of running current total - 219.97 km
Happy day 40!!!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Ground hogs and wishing wells....
To jump off the diving board.... such a scary thought. Especially without depth perception. How much fear do you face every day? Everyone lives with something they'd like to conquer, some one thing that scares the crud out from under your toenails .... that you nevertheless long to do.
January 2011 was a month of conquering fears. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. It was the beginning of a culmination of stress, action and preparation. It was unsettling. And I embraced every moment of it.
They say it takes 3 or 4 weeks to make something a habit. 31 days of running, 175.02 kms covered between treadmill and elliptical, through smiles, through frustration, through tears and each and every step towards a better future.
Some miles with a textbook in my hand, others with no carpet under my elliptical so that every two miles I was facing a completely different wall. Some miles done with the house under construction, some miles were done in longing for the trail underfoot. Most importantly, every day, running was a part of my day, a part of my life; etching itself into the fibers of my soul.
My February goals? Of course continue to run every day. But in general it would be fantastic to enjoy a few miles outside with my forever man....if only day care fell from the heavens :)
Wishing you happy feet and warm toes!
January 2011 was a month of conquering fears. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. It was the beginning of a culmination of stress, action and preparation. It was unsettling. And I embraced every moment of it.
They say it takes 3 or 4 weeks to make something a habit. 31 days of running, 175.02 kms covered between treadmill and elliptical, through smiles, through frustration, through tears and each and every step towards a better future.
Some miles with a textbook in my hand, others with no carpet under my elliptical so that every two miles I was facing a completely different wall. Some miles done with the house under construction, some miles were done in longing for the trail underfoot. Most importantly, every day, running was a part of my day, a part of my life; etching itself into the fibers of my soul.
My February goals? Of course continue to run every day. But in general it would be fantastic to enjoy a few miles outside with my forever man....if only day care fell from the heavens :)
Wishing you happy feet and warm toes!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
2011 - A Year In Running...
I don't begin to understand the inner workings of running. I don't pretend to even be good at it. There are very few things I actually will ever admit to being right about. One of my favourite quotes is something like "be passionately aware you could be completely wrong". I think it makes you more open to seeing things from a different point of view. So all that being said, you've had your disclaimer: I don't know what I'm talking about, but that sure as hell isn't going to stop me from talking....
2011.... The year of changes, the year of stresses, the year that has every opportunity to kick me in the ass and send me flying into next year. Finish school, pass exit exams, pass board exams, start working as a professional, pay off enough debt to fix house, sell house, move family.... daughter 12, sons nearly 9 and almost 4, JK all over again.....
What's your coping strategy? Where is your peace and calm?
Me? I have the attention span of a lightning bolt. I can't sit still, it feels like wasted time. And when every minute counts (and I mean that in a literal sense of knowing it takes me 2.40 minutes to wash my hair and can therefore do it 3 times a week) sitting still is impossible. Trying to relax actually makes me more stressed out. So I say.... Lets work it out!
Thus the birth of my year in running. I figure every day I breathe, every day my heart beats, every day my brain thinks, every day I kiss my husband... all my muscles survive the impact of that so why not condition my body to adapt to a low impact short run every day?
I'm currently guideless. Its not the season for solo running. Ice snow and white everywhere makes running alone an impossibility. But we were recently gifted a beastly old elliptical, and I have gym memberships at two different places. So what's my excuse?
When I run, my stress melts away like ice cream on your shirt; leaving sticky reminders that it was there, making sure you will forever remember how strong overcoming it made you. When I run, my brain cells can't overload simply because the act of keeping my legs moving, my heart pumping - has it maxed. For moments I can not concentrate, I can not worry, I can not do anything but breathe.
Running demands very little. It's accepting, it's embracing, it's an unconditional lover, and it's a hard ass motivator.
The only rules to my resolution are: to run everyday, whether that's elliptical, treadmill or road doesn't matter. Whether I've accomplished speed work or incredible distances doesn't matter. Anything over 1km counts as a day of running. And lastly... no judgment.
It should be an interesting year. I'm training for my first triathlon in august (a Try-a-tri distance), and running my second full marathon with my forever man in the fall. So far in 12 days I've run every day for a total of 67.54km.
Welcome to 2011 - A Year In Running...
2011.... The year of changes, the year of stresses, the year that has every opportunity to kick me in the ass and send me flying into next year. Finish school, pass exit exams, pass board exams, start working as a professional, pay off enough debt to fix house, sell house, move family.... daughter 12, sons nearly 9 and almost 4, JK all over again.....
What's your coping strategy? Where is your peace and calm?
Me? I have the attention span of a lightning bolt. I can't sit still, it feels like wasted time. And when every minute counts (and I mean that in a literal sense of knowing it takes me 2.40 minutes to wash my hair and can therefore do it 3 times a week) sitting still is impossible. Trying to relax actually makes me more stressed out. So I say.... Lets work it out!
Thus the birth of my year in running. I figure every day I breathe, every day my heart beats, every day my brain thinks, every day I kiss my husband... all my muscles survive the impact of that so why not condition my body to adapt to a low impact short run every day?
I'm currently guideless. Its not the season for solo running. Ice snow and white everywhere makes running alone an impossibility. But we were recently gifted a beastly old elliptical, and I have gym memberships at two different places. So what's my excuse?
When I run, my stress melts away like ice cream on your shirt; leaving sticky reminders that it was there, making sure you will forever remember how strong overcoming it made you. When I run, my brain cells can't overload simply because the act of keeping my legs moving, my heart pumping - has it maxed. For moments I can not concentrate, I can not worry, I can not do anything but breathe.
Running demands very little. It's accepting, it's embracing, it's an unconditional lover, and it's a hard ass motivator.
The only rules to my resolution are: to run everyday, whether that's elliptical, treadmill or road doesn't matter. Whether I've accomplished speed work or incredible distances doesn't matter. Anything over 1km counts as a day of running. And lastly... no judgment.
It should be an interesting year. I'm training for my first triathlon in august (a Try-a-tri distance), and running my second full marathon with my forever man in the fall. So far in 12 days I've run every day for a total of 67.54km.
Welcome to 2011 - A Year In Running...
Saturday, September 4, 2010
For the sake of....
For the sake of the race, I wake up at 4:20am three days in a row.
For the sake of the race, I jump train even though there's nothing I hate more.
For the sake of the race, I will stay in my wall squat 30 seconds longer.
For the sake of the race, I wash my running clothes every day in hopes of smelling pretty.
For the sake of the race, I pass the brownies and munch the celery and hummus even though it gives me gas.
For the sake of the race, I partake in insane cardio workouts that make me feel like hurling.
For the sake of the race, I walk everywhere the long way just for extra work even with the toddler in tow in the wagon.
For the sake of the race, I strain to read the garmin so I can keep time on tempo runs.
For the sake of the race, I put on my bathing suit and let people look.
For the sake of the race, I seek out the hills I'd rather avoid.
For the sake of the race, I spend more time in awkard positions with my foam roller than my husband.
For the sake of the race, I bring my kids to the track with the tire to pull when no ones looking.
For the sake of the race, I gather strength never before known to my DNA.
For the sake of the race, I ignore my disability and treat it as reality instead of a limiting factor.
For the sake of the race, I deny my blood condition that keeps me running slower than dirt.
Because the race is about more than winning, more than finishing, more than starting.
The race is about more than a run.
It's a heartbeat that cleanses the soul, frees the spirit, pushes past fear, and harvests hope.
The race is about how far you've come, and how far you're goning.
The race is about your feet greeting destiny, about your sweat hydrating the earth and your lungs sharing air with the heavens.
For the sake of health, I race.
For the sake of the race, I jump train even though there's nothing I hate more.
For the sake of the race, I will stay in my wall squat 30 seconds longer.
For the sake of the race, I wash my running clothes every day in hopes of smelling pretty.
For the sake of the race, I pass the brownies and munch the celery and hummus even though it gives me gas.
For the sake of the race, I partake in insane cardio workouts that make me feel like hurling.
For the sake of the race, I walk everywhere the long way just for extra work even with the toddler in tow in the wagon.
For the sake of the race, I strain to read the garmin so I can keep time on tempo runs.
For the sake of the race, I put on my bathing suit and let people look.
For the sake of the race, I seek out the hills I'd rather avoid.
For the sake of the race, I spend more time in awkard positions with my foam roller than my husband.
For the sake of the race, I bring my kids to the track with the tire to pull when no ones looking.
For the sake of the race, I gather strength never before known to my DNA.
For the sake of the race, I ignore my disability and treat it as reality instead of a limiting factor.
For the sake of the race, I deny my blood condition that keeps me running slower than dirt.
Because the race is about more than winning, more than finishing, more than starting.
The race is about more than a run.
It's a heartbeat that cleanses the soul, frees the spirit, pushes past fear, and harvests hope.
The race is about how far you've come, and how far you're goning.
The race is about your feet greeting destiny, about your sweat hydrating the earth and your lungs sharing air with the heavens.
For the sake of health, I race.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)