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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

In the distance....

In the distance, far ahead there stirs a silence so consuming that no butterflies dare attempt flight through it.
It sits like a fog overhanging trees, caressing mossy rocks, blanketing the rays of sun that fight to push through.
It stands there occupying space and time as if to declare.... tread no further until you've thought this through.
Pooh bears thinking spot would be more welcoming than this calm imposing quiet.
But there is no honey pot here.

In the distance ever reaching, parades the hope you haven't yet managed to duct tape so securely to your belt.
It dances like the grass skirt you'd never be brave enough to wear.
Sweet forced stillness evermore intense, evermore dense takes over all thinking
And you are left, swimming guideless across this ocean....

In the distance vastly present, seen without the prescription quite required for a typical clarity moment, a future reaches out and waits.
In the haze of your creation, all things become translucent and transcend.
When the leaves fall they'll take with them this chaos of unknown direction and shine the light on the path beneath.
Temporarily displaced, untethered and alone in land of in between, waiting.

In the distance, see me sitting, peacefully plotting... images of grandeur and all things blissfully possible.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Taking stock

Updates to start -

 Ottawa half marathon done and finished with a 5min PR.... 2;25;13.... All made possible by my wonderful guide who never gave up on me. Very excited about that.  However much it makes you realise that life will only get easier if you allow laziness to enter your dreams and stifle the fire in your soul.  I say put up a safety perimeter and let those motivational flames burn so friggin' bright that you scare the neighbours.  I say (not so quietly from behind my keyboard and softly clicking mouse)....  NEVER say die... Hope breeds like rabbits... set it free.

 First ever Zoot Open Water Swim race done.... 1km of wetsuit swimming tethered to my dear darling (and oh so brave) husband, 34:40min... I'm sure he's dreading my next big idea. Ok so the time kinda sucks but you know what???? I did it.  I took off my glasses (the only thing that allows me the 8% vision I have) and gave up my hearing (thus nullifying all direction and bearing) and swam.  I swam with trust and hope and the all out notion that gosh darn it.... there has to be a shore somewhere.  I swam realising that the impossible is only so because I allowed someone else to place it on such a high unattainable shelf. 

All of which makes me wonder - under who's dictatorship do I live and why did this become so?

Graduation and award ceremonies done.  Dress donned and hidden well under the gown of the day.  Three years of no sleep and determination, three years of life changing horrific home life challenges, three years of not feeling the ground under foot for more than a few tainted moments, three years of secretly crying in the dark hoping to be enough..... three years to put on a polyester gown that smelled like last years occupant and all their hopes and dreams. .... Three years to feed my family on rice and beans and all things student loans granted and denied.... Three years to have them tell me I could not have a guide to help me walk across the stage.  To which I say.... Watch me... I believe enough in my self to not fall off.  Watch me...

And now... eight days left until my board exams.  Eight days until I can finish this culmination of greatness that amounts to .....? Now there's a question.  Real life, oh how I've hidden from you.  Real life with all your hopes and dreams, all your fears and misconstrued directions.... Get me lost... I'm so much better that way.

 Friday I had the time to run solo on country roads.  Directions given from a loving friend by phone, notes left for dear husband, shoes on and water bottle in hand.... Proving once again the only thing you need to run - is the will to run.  Freedom with each step. Salt on my lips. Slow sweet time ticking by garmin free. Watch your feet, no one else here to help.  Teaching me to be responsible.  Teaching me to turn the talk inward and stand tall.  Chin up and see the next hill without fear.  Works for me as I never see the hills coming.  Not until they are underfoot. 

Take the path, follow your heart, show yourself you can.  If you have to stop to walk in between, whether it be for a crossing turtle or a speeding pick up truck or simply to stop and see how far you've come.... then walk.  All forward motion counts. (Even if you have no clue where you're headed)

Peace to you in all things running and beyond.

 365 days of running current total as of the end of day 162 - 842.46km