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Monday, September 16, 2013

The day I gave up coffee

Not so sure why we choose randomly to deprive ourselves of some favourite lustful treat in our lives. Perhaps because we are fighting some other inner battle that requires focus and so we, in desperation, create an unavoidable distraction thereby deeming us incapable of concentration. Perhaps to see if we can still be classified as human. Perhaps because we read some study that said something persuasive and therefore we ripped the bandaid off with full force. Either way, frame it in whichever stupidity you like, today I did just that. I gave up coffee. 

When you "give up" the thing you figure is your grounding, it's hard to think clearly. So what follows is how my day progressed;

5am - typical startle awake. First thought 1 hr to coffee time. Crap not doing that today. Ok go back to sleep.

5:14am - system restart. Startle awake again. Sorry did you mean that about not having coffee? Omg this feels real. Ok go back to sleep.

6:35am - surely to god you were kidding? Think of 4pm and how the hell you're gonna feel?  Nope nope mustering positivity... Going back to sleep.


7:20 am - alarm goes off. Coffee calls from cupboard "I miss you! I love you! I accept your abstinence, it makes our reunion that much more intense." Frigg... Pull covers over head. Refuse reality.

7:56 am - standing in the kitchen. Plug in the kettle. Teas just as good. Lets make tea. Mug. Spoon. Milk. What did I forget? I'm losing my mind.. Academic study the loss of my brain cells in direct relation with the amount of time spent caffeine free. Tea bag. Oh there's one muffin left. must be strong. Moving on.

9am - I've lost an hour. Seriously not sure how that happened. I look around, obviously functioning in a zombie state. Must have slipped into autopilot mode. Dishes are done. Right I should make more tea.

10am - phone calls to make. Not speaking in clear full sentences. My to do list looks like this; 1. Stop thinking about coffee. 2. Write a proper to do list. And the coffee in the cupboard tosses its hair and winks. Frigg make more tea.

10:35am - depart for YMCA. Plotting membership. Celebrate finding the front door. More because of lack of stimulant than lack of vision. Or at least that's what I tell myself as I meander around moving vehicles muttering apologies. Drink water as distraction.

11:40am - find my way to the grocery store. Eyes pop open at the smell of the coffee grounds in the coffee aisle. Seriously start hallucinating that people are dressed up as the nabob guy. Or the Colombian guy. Pry myself away from sniffing the unopened cans of coffee and proceed to buy greens. Drink water as distraction.

1:32pm - sprint home. Tea woke me up eventually as the truth of just how small my bladder is smacked me in the head. Truth be told the random sprinkler on the road I took that proved to be in the wrong direction might have had something to do with that. 

2pm have lunch. Soup. Tea. Death stare with muffin occurs. Nap wins. Coffee in the cupboard giggles and writes up a new prenup agreement.

3pm groggy, grouchy... Glasses are missing. Must go to work. Why are the tasks that take me three minutes taking 20? Shut up muffin I'm not listening. Drink tea. Walk away slightly proud I'd survived this long. 

5pm - client arrives ... Stupid tea. Good dam thing that muffins not around!  Who's idea was this giving up business? What was I thinking? Coffee texts me to say it loves me still.

6 pm - make tea.. Back at home. Ignore all responsibility of dinner making ceremonies. Telepathically tell the coffee who's making who tomorrow. Sip tea with evil grin.

8:30pm - make tea. Wash dishes. Drink tea. Eat the stupid muffin. Curse karma. Pout ever so slightly at being human.

9:45pm - ensure coffee mug is at the front of the cupboard for tomorrow. Leave bathroom light on. Go to bed. Toss and turn and write ode to my java lyrics in my head.