Some days you just have to write. Some days the words need to free themselves and you are nothing more than an instrument of action. Some days are filled with potential, ringing true with hope and ... whats this? Pride? Or possibility the potential of pride? Who knows... Some days you feel like the run needs to move you, free you from what was your past and move you into the future of the you you long to be... If you know what I mean...
Some days tears need to fall, memories need confronting and the concern of future good byes might silence the now temporarily. Some days all the butterflies wings freeze in time and all there is, or all there seems to be is the movement of the steam from my coffee. Some days I love you more than I thought I could. Some days I realise it's me that needs to claim that love and to be okay with this moment in time. Because in truth this moment is the only moment.
Some days the swim is the best part, because no one can tell you are crying in the water. Stroke, stroke stroke breathe... Or gasp and sputter. Either way it gets the air in. And with each release of the negative... the hope that even if cancer has imprinted on that distant figure I have called my father for a life time... That I am still here in this moment... moving this arm over my head. propelling me forward. This moment is all there is. Movement and change are the only truths.
For so many reasons I challenge myself everyday. For so many reasons I give up a little piece of the me that I thought I was and move constantly into that space of unknown... to find out who I can be.
Weekly (or weakly?) I scream into the abyss "who I am?" .... The only answer I've gotten so far is....
"... In which moment?"
Peace to you in running... Peace to you in general.