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Friday, May 11, 2012

Giving Grace

.... One Introspective Runner Moment  (or getting through injury/illness while training)

Giving grace the control I long to keep just for myself.  Giving grace the soul that I have claims to but no ultimate authority over.  Giving grace my every hope, my every dream of being better, of better being.  Giving grace the desire I breathe in every time I turn over in my sleep.  Giving grace the need in my feet to move the planets to make the world feel whole. Giving grace my fear that reflects back at me with a devilish daring grin.  Giving grace my suppression, my hold back, my just a little bit of myself for protection.  Giving grace my appreciation, my love, my affection, my lack of it.  Giving grace my fight, my stubborn, my determination, my imperfections, my perfectionism.  Giving grace my anger, as it serves no one, Giving grace time to fix my heart. Giving grace the sight I don't have to direct me in the brightness.  Giving grace my faith.  Giving grace that longing in my every muscle fibre that prays there is some kind of truth found at the end of a 100 mile run.  Giving grace my gratitude for those who tolerate my insanity to continue searching for it.  Giving grace my DNA to mend and find a way to make an entire person out of what culture deems to be incomplete.  Giving grace my hands to help others who cannot help themselves.  Giving grace my everything lost in the quiet.  Giving grace that sunset, that sunrise, that moment in time that stopped and took in just one molecule at a time selfishly just for me not caring about mother earth or the status of laundry.  Giving grace my guilt and reservations.  Giving grace back my angel. Giving grace my inner compass and intention.  Giving grace my balance and my chaos and my unintentional search for them both. Giving grace my sad song sung in the moments of near giving up. Giving grace my perceptions of truth and reality.  Giving grace my here and now, my external boundaries, my every energy.  Giving grace my sense of karma, my sense of score keeping.  Giving grace my hurt and blame. Giving grace my voice... it's not mine anyway.  Giving grace my notion of can do and impossible. Giving grace my goals and standards.  Giving grace sensory disruption and focus. Giving grace more than grace wants all in prep for overcoming obstacles and surviving half ironmans and ultra running.  Giving grace my gravity.... so that I might fly...

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