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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Packing

Shall I bring you? Carry you with me to this new home?  At the time you seemed so important to me, so integral to my safe keeping.  At the time... you seemed so groovy, promising me glamour and shine.  At the time you moved me more than I could ever have hoped to accomplish alone.  Shall I carry you with me? Where do you belong now?

Maybe you are tired?  Longing for a break, hoping for a rest... a paused sip of tea.  Maybe you like to collect dust and only to remember the way we were so long ago.... all tangled together in the wee hours of the morning, before the children woke, before the coffee perked, before I thought about my day.  Maybe you wish to stay there, in my thoughts wrapped up in my sheets counting the minutes we could share before the alarm screams.  Shall I leave you to that peace? To that place when I would never have allowed the image of another to whisper on my pillow the way you did.  Maybe the hurt is too great for you...Now that I have moved on....

Shall I knot you to my soul in the present tense and bring you along to see this new life I'm about to live? Or would you feel left out amongst my new identity?  Shall I let you have your own life now? Or do you wish to stay a part of mine even in this downgraded role?  How will you feel watching me dance with another just your size? How will you hurt as I smile in the embrace of anew?  Maybe I'm not cruel enough to let you witness that.  Maybe I should once and for all, free you to see the world on your own.  Maybe I need to give you the space to love and be loved again.

... I am packing.  I am moving.... I am undecided how much I love you still....

And oh how I've loved you....

... My old pair of running shoes.

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