run on sentences....

The thing about running is there are so many many things... there is more than shoes and hope and faith and effort... there is an endless supply of run on sentences in your head on the trail...
There is a need that comes in the middle of the night before a race.  It takes you by surprise when you were quite comfortable in your thinking before slumber.  The you that went to bed was excited, nervous, anxious, ready... The you that wakes you up in the middle of a quiet blissful dream is more on edge, determined, focused, impatient and resolute. 

Your challenge in life becomes about bridging that gap between the you that was and the you that seems oh so present and about ready to birth itself in this new found reality you've created.

You realise, you ARE a runner, good, bad or slow, fast... doesn't matter... The you that lays in bed staring up at the ceiling so mesmerized by the cobwebs and your hopeful cleansing... that you is a runner.  Whether injured or trained, whether starting or finishing... a runner.

The most insane moment of my training, this crazy ass training that seemed so important at the time... was about ten seconds ago... when I discovered the part of my upcoming marathon I was looking forward to the most is the part where it all falls apart.  That moment when my feet give up and my heart has to take over... Or further, when my heart says screw you you babbling idiot... and my stubbornness gets to win the day... I cannot wait to meet my wall, greet my wall and embrace it, breathe it in... Swim in it  a while and feel its calm caress against my will power.  As if to say ... "are you sure?"

Just between you and me and all things in chaos... .... ....

I have never been so sure...

I am a runner... I was not born this way.  I was not made this way. 

I ran this way.

Day 304 of 365 days of running... current total 1625.24km

Full marathon seven days away :)