Every once in a while there is moment of greatness near... You can catch a glimpse of it if you turn your head too quick for karma to shuffle it out of the way. You can catch a sniff of that aroma hidden deep under the smell of sweet sleep at 4am. Quietly at midnight when you turn from back to side you might feel that tingle of belief. Maybe it's not your own. Maybe you are not quite there yet to that place where you know, where you just can let go and trust that all your hard work will pay off. But it's someone's belief. It's someone's belief in you. It's the most intimidating heart rate raising realization when you drop the barriers long enough to soak in the idea that someone is putting their faith in you.
It's day 8 of training. Half ironman training for July... First ultramarathon training for Sept... I have no idea what I've gotten myself into. I have no idea who pushed that glowing indigo start button in the dark. I have no clues as to what drives an insane hope in the desperately stubborn soul.
I just know I'm here.
I wake up and find myself here. I stir my coffee and feel myself here. I hold my children and know I'm meant to be here. I may not be good at any of this running, biking, swimming stuff.... But underneath the chaos there is a hidden driven purpose I have yet to understand.
Day 8 of training... and my muscles are in shock. My body is in place that feels like complete revolt. As if all the powers of heaven are manifesting in my every muscle spindle sending signals of spasm from head to toe. I pushed so hard, perhaps in efforts to prove someone, maybe me?, wrong... I ache so badly that I woke myself up from slumber in the night crying.
Every fibre of determination fires on autopilot.... Must do... Will do... Can do...
Belief is a powerful thing. It moves your sadness to a smile. It wipes a tear to the side. It brings a spring to your step when all other reasons have been removed. Belief always gives a gracious gift along..... Hope.
My tandem is collecting dust in my basement. I hear my Doris when I'm on my trainer upstairs calling me... Let me out she calls. Blind runner bib still pinned to her fender, Tassles tangled against the growing pile of boxes leaning against her. Each knot a tale of triumph, each sparkle a twinkle in my eye. Soon... soon... soon.
My head is full of the music of my dreams. Carrying me out to sea... winding my sails... abandoning my fear amongst the passing seaweed...
....".... This is gotta be the good life....."
Peace to you in training. May belief carry you through, beyond your fears and into possibility.
Day 391 of running....
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